taking a stand is hard when you just want to sit down and be quiet.

I am taking two classes that are not music classes. One of those classes is a speech intensive course which is called "Women's and Gender Studies". It is comprised of 17 women, 1 terrified man, and 2 female professors. One of those professors has recently made me feel inferior and a terrible person. Now I know that "no one can make you feel anything unless you let them" blahblahblah. It is hard when a 50-something old woman looks you straight in the eye and says, "Now class, we can't pick on her because she doesn't believe what we believe." I mean, really. Isn't there some law about this?

The first day of class we all pushed our desks to the sides of the room and stood in a big circle. Kinda freaky. I felt like I was in some weird ritual. I can't imagine how the guy must have felt. The professor, who I will call "Tangela" to protect her privacy, began telling us how we would get to know one another. "These are all strangers right now," she said softly and reverently, "but not for long." She took a long pause. All of us waiting for her next word. My contacts started to dry out a little bit because I hadn't shut my eyes - I was so intent on finding out what she was going to say next.

"All republicans go to this corner, all democrats to that one, and independents stay in the middle of the room."

Oh, really? Hm. I feel like that's personal. Looks like I'm 1 of 2 Republicans. "Left handed go in this corner, right in that one." Oh, good. Looks like I'm 1 of 2 lefties. "Religious affiliated private schools vs. public." Looks like I'm 1 of 3. "Now do you really think you are better off because God was taught in your classroom??" First girl: "No. I hate Nuns." Second girl: "No, I don't really care." Me: "UMMMM." scuffs foot on floor. breathes deeply. prays for strength directly from Jesus. "Yes. I do, Tangela. I think I did benefit from having God in my classroom." SILENCE. "Okay, pregnant women, divorced moms, singles...find your corners."

That was hard. It was my first college experience where I felt like I had to take a stand for what I believe in and I got persecuted for it. It is a 3 hour night class so we have breaks in between hour and half sessions. I've tried to start conversations with people but it just hasn't happened. The only time anyone has talked to me, so far, is when Heath Ledger died. I guess he brings people together. Hm.

I think this is a good thing, though. God is teaching me to take up my cross and follow Him ... even when my teacher scares me. And even when I don't want to. I wish that I could have said, "Heck, yes. I love God. He's awesome. He loves you just as much as He loves me. Even though you bash the Bible, and say that God is a male chauvinist. And yes. I love my private Christian school." Take that, Tangela. Even then, that's not a very loving response. Maybe it is just in the subtleties that I will take a stand. Like saying, "Yes. I think I did benefit from having God in my classroom."

Last class, she had the following quote written on the board:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt.

As my dear Alanis would sing...

Isn't it ironic.
Dontcha think.
A little too ironic.