Sinking gut feeling.

Have you ever had that feeling where your gut goes up and down at the same time? That's what's going on right now. I got a call from someone who was telling me her husband passed away. He came into the office frequently, loved us all so much, etc. She was absolutely precious. She asked me to take him off our records. We hung up the phone. I missed her husband's name. I didn't want to ask for it again. But the phone dropped out JUST AS SHE SAID THE NAME. Oh my goodness. I feel absolutely terrible. If I asked for it, I didn't want her to think I didn't know who he was. I feel absolutely horrible.

It gets worse.

I get out our little telephone code book. "CALL TRACING". PERFECT! I'll just get the number, do a reverse look up, and voila. I figure out who called.

Wrong-o.

I do it, then come to find out it flags their number as a "HARASSING NUMBER".

Oh.
Great.

FedEx = Mothership?

It has been awhile. Lots of time elapsed. Here is my thought for today:

When I call FedEx to schedule a pick up, this is what I noticed. In between the robotic lady asking me questions in a very congenial tone, there are these little rhythmic sounding beeps. I don't like calling FedEx because of this. You know why? Because it sounds like the alien noises from the movie, Signs. I think this movie was underrated. Apparently, it wasn't scary enough. Maybe so, but I will never look at a glass of water or baby monitors the same ever again. FedEx boopities, you sound like the Aliens. No, thank you.

I'm on my soapbox.

In the beginning when God created the world, it was good. He looked around and saw that there was no evil, no pain, no suffering. The lion played with the lamb. Even nature in was in its most holy and pure form. Since the fall of man at Adam and Eve, nature and God's creation of man has been groaning for redemption. That is why Jesus, who was completely God and also completely man, came to earth to die for the unredeemed creation. So that one day when he returns, he will redeem man and nature; returning them to their original place of holiness and purity. Until the day when Jesus comes back, this fallen earth will continue to go in its trajectory of sin and deprivation. It is working backwards from what God's original plan was. But luckily, our eternal redemption has been secured as Christians through Jesus' death. By recognizing that He is the solar around which our souls must orbit, that He is the only way to eternal life, we are redeemed and our slates are wiped clean. Our "record" has been expunged. Through the suffering in this world, we see the effects of sin and as Christians, suffering does not stay away from us - it effects us the way it does anyone else.


However, we have hope in this terrible world. Jesus said, "take heart, for I have overcome the world." With this hope, we are to be lights in a dark world. In Isaiah it says, "And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." He doesn't forsake us amidst our suffering. Our suffering is what brings us to Him. He NEVER forsakes us. It is hard to understand though - if this all powerful God can make your rough places into level ground, why doesn't He just make the world redeemed again? To bring glory to Himself. He wants people to chose to love Him. He is a jealous God - rightly so - and demands your all. Even though we are saved, He does demand that we honor Him and love Him before anything else in this world. There is a standard that we are called to...even though we will fail, we still have to try. Just because we know He loves us does not mean that we can take advantage of that love and coast on a road of apathy. He does expect from us, but the beauty of it is that when you give your life to God, you want to love Him and out of that love comes an outpouring of obedience. However, loving Him is a discipline. It requires the study of Him through the Bible, prayer, and community. There is a God - who has pursued you, me, and everyone on this planet as He knit you in the mother's womb. He beauty and love can be found in the pure things in life without the distortion of an evil world. A sunset, a song, a friendship, a good steak, laughter between friends, sex between a husband and wife. The list goes on. God is present and pursuing - but just as He created man to be the pursuer and women to be the pursued, He wants to be pursued as well. He wants us to ask, seek, and knock. He is more than willing to answer, be found, and answer the door.

Natural Disasters

Well, it is now time for my monthly post. It seems that it will happen this way for the time being. Being a disorganized college student who is trying to get organized, life hits you fast. (That was not a plug for Nationwide insurance.) Things have been busy. Actually, hectic is a more accurate word. I feel as though the days pass me in a blur, just anxious to get on to the next one. When I look at the constant things around me that never change, it is strangely comforting. I like coming home and knowing that my bed will be in the same place that I left it. My lamp remains on my nightstand. The mirror stays on the wall. The toothpaste and toothbrush are in the pretty porcelain bowl by my sink.

What if there was an earthquake?

Would my life fall apart if I came home to my mattress skewed on my bedframe, my lamp broken on my floor, the mirror off the wall, the porcelain bowl smashed on my fake marble sink. Would my life unravel because I couldn't handle the chaos?

I put away the unsettling thought. I am comforted. I look around at my floor. Clothes, purses, remote, bookbag, yesterday's choice of perfume, a PlayStation memory card, a plate. I would be fine if an earthquake came. It always looks like a tornado blazed through no matter what day it is.

I'm working on this. Promise.

I should be working. But I'm judgmental and need to process it.

Classes have commenced. The first snow of the year fell. The train still shakes my bed at night. I went to the grocery store and gawked at my $93.47 bill. Really? It was just a bag of spinach, bread, peanut butter, organic apples, organic milk, and some cereal bars that taste like plastic. Ok, maybe it was more than that. But still. Almost $100 and I didn't even have the luxury of looking like those people with the carts piled high that everyone judges. Oh, just admit it. You know you judge them. You look in their cart and you scan their goods spilling out off the sides and the big cans of Coke and toilet paper on the bottom of the cart which is serving as a carnival ride for their skinny little 5 year old. You think, "Ew, Kraft Mayonnaise? Really? Hot Pockets? Your other children must be fat." And then you go on your merry way. But then you look in your cart and it isn't much better. It is just JIF Mayonnaise and Croissant Pockets. Then you feel guilty. But I think it is a healthy guilt. I know I shouldn't think that badly of other people. I don't know them. I can't judge their hearts or their pallets.

Everything is still the same. Even when the train stops running, the grocery prices go down, the snow melts, and the classes let out for summer. Everything is still the same because the person with the full cart needs to be loved. I should be working, but I'm still loved even if I don't do my homework or my finances. I'm glad everything is still the same. I've got a God that loves me even when I judge the girl that wears tights and miniskirts in the snow or when I judge the person at the grocery store. Thankfully, He died for me. Everything is the same in my world. 

Because the only thing that really matters is the only consistent and constant thing ever to exist or come into being. And He loves me. 

I'm also probably the only one that judges people with full grocery carts. I hope you don't take offense to this post if you use Kraft Mayonnaise and Hot Pockets. Because I have definitely had both in my cart before. Oh, what a wretch I am.